Gay Marriage

by LJ Regine

Since the issue of gay marriage has been in the news nonstop this week, it’s only natural for everyone to ponder and wrestle with it themselves, for it brings forth many questions on the nature of gay relationships in our society. It’s a fact that many heterosexuals believe, via their religion, that God defines marriage as between one man and one woman. They believe it is a sacred covenant with God, with thousands of years of precedent behind it. I can’t argue with facts and I can’t argue with history.

Yet as Republicans, many of us also subscribe to the idea that there is a separation between church and state and Government should get off our backs and let us live our lives as we choose. Many of us believe that more Government interference is not the answer to any problem facing us. However, when it comes to social issues, many conservative Republicans call for a strict definition of what is and is not okay in order to “conserve” the best elements of society. Gay marriage and abortion are, in their view, not okay.

Is this really about legislating morality? About legislating partnerships that create “a more perfect union”? Or is it about some who want to restrict American’s choices to construct an arrangement that is financially, legally and personally beneficial for them because they don’t quite understand it? Inevitably, conservatives will argue that multiculturalism (which they feel in principle is flawed) is an important part of this debate. Some Republicans reject multiculturalism and want to define what it means to be an American in more strict terms. On the other hand, Democrats want to define being American as anything you think it should be, including mandating socialized healthcare. There will always be a tension between those philosophies. However, it can leave many people to feel that have been displaced by their society. That because of their own choices to act on their desires, that they can not aspire to be as “fully American” as others who color safely within the lines of the cultural norm.

As a conservative who leans libertarian myself, I am caught between the opposing views. I see the merits and validity of wanting there to be a moral and just society with a clearly defined social order. When there is no order, there can only be chaos. Yet I also feel that I am capable enough to determine the best life for myself. As a proud American, if I choose to enter a contractual relationship with someone else I have every right to decide those terms and who enters that with me. And furthermore because of the tenth ammendment, I also respect the role of individual states in defining which contracts they choose to honor or not.

This is where it gets murky. With identifying myself as “gay” I am then lumped in to the mainstream gay culture which collectively embraces sexuality as their defining, omnipotent characteristic. The modern day gay culture advertises promiscuous sex, drug and alcohol abuse, loose morals which are seen by many as part of an “unhealthy lifestyle.” With how pathetic and undignified the gay community presents itself (see Dan Savage) can you really blame those who don’t believe we should not be able to be married? Love may be love, but on the whole we are not yet taken seriously.  How can we make a more effective case than the one that usually results in lopsided electoral results that end up restricting our rights?

Sadly, many gay people do not care to gain the respect of their peers. They believe they should be able to do anything they wish, without regard to the harm of themselves or others. But if that ideology is so great, then why are there one in five gay men in NYC living with HIV? Why are there so many gay people who have a serious drug problem? Sadly, as a result of these bad choices there are many who commit suicide. A lot of gay men, concentrated mostly in urban environments, don’t want to “grow up” and will live their lives in the gay ghettos where they are free to dance to Queen Gaga and act without abandon until the cows come home. These are tough lifestyle issues the gay community needs to confront before being fully accepted and embraced by the larger American culture.

Above anything, I would hope that people judge me and my partner based on our characters, based on how we treat ourselves and others and on the contributions we make to better our society. But there are institutional problems in the gay community that we need to wrestle with. This is larger than just a political issue because it strikes firmly at the heart of any Gay American’s identity. Is your sexuality all that you are and aspire to be? Are you truly the best version of yourself? Ronald Reagan said that America is a shining city on a hill. I truly believe we are an exceptional nation made of exceptional people. If those in the gay community want to change the result of state elections that restrict their contractual rights, perhaps they should start by changing the perception of who they are. By acting seriously with dignity, courage and honor gays can empower themselves to reject the limited, effeminate, mainstream gay identity. I believe that once we start to show the best we are capable of, people will take us and our cause seriously. The results in North Carolina displayed that there is a long way to go in changing hearts and minds. I am confident that with a little hard work, perseverance and ambition that we will truly embody the mantle of Reagan’s America.

LJ Regine is a blogger, writer and political junkie living in New York, New York. You can check out more of his work as a contributing writer for Conservatives4Palin.com.